Instruction for finding lost desires.
Who needs it?
This instruction is for you if you don’t know what you want. Or you have desires, but they lack energy and are very similar to a mandatory program: to eat, to wash, to watch TV, to look at your phone. The main criterion is that all this is without fire and pleasure.
Why is this happening?
It’s usually the result of a decision made in childhood. When you failed time after time to get what you wanted. Or you were judged, rejected or punished for your desires. Another option is overprotective and anxious parents who knew for you what you needed and were persistent.
Why change anything?
To feel alive. To have fun. To get high on what you’re doing. In fact, desire is one of the main fuels on this planet. Convinced?
Let's say I'm convinced. What do I do?
I have two news for you – good news and bad news.
The bad news is that you’ve been practicing ignoring your desires for 20, 30, and some of you for all 40 years (serious experience!). In order to change this habit, you need to keep coming back to the practice for a while, a few approaches will clearly not be enough.
The good news is that all people want as long as they are alive, so you already have the desires, you just need to discover them. The human brain is malleable and you can develop a new skill if you follow instructions. It usually takes about 30 days to develop such a skill. Believe me, the result is worth it.
The instruction itself
Preparation: install a program on your phone that will remind you to practice every hour. Any interval timer is suitable for this purpose. The program should run all day, from morning to evening. Is it possible without a program? You can, but you will forget and you will end up with nothing.
When you hear the reminder, you should stop, listen to how you feel, and answer three questions:
- What are my bodily sensations?
- What am I feeling right now (feelings, emotions, states)?
- What do I want right now?
Why these questions?
“What are my bodily sensations?”
Bodily sensations need to be addressed in order to get out of your head, where most people spend their lives, and discover yourself rather than ideas about yourself. A very useful skill, by the way.
“What am I feeling right now?”
Feelings are the most important part of life, if you’re not in touch with them or can’t recognize them, it’s likely that your desires will be difficult to deal with as well. Well actually – the topic of emotional intelligence is being sold on every corner right now, and it’s the ability to detect and name your feelings to begin with.
“What do I want right now?”
Don’t expect New Year’s fireworks and a parade of unicorns right away. First you need to learn to notice the simplest impulses. For example, you’ll find that you want to change your posture or move your shoulders. Or to drink or go to the bathroom (and you haven’t noticed it for an hour). And only by restoring such basic sensitivity you will gradually be able to reach more “complex” desires. An important point is that you should definitely do what you want to do (of course, within the criminal code) and get pleasure from it, at least a little.
What does this practice yield?
You get two new skills – to turn your attention to yourself and to recognize the signals (at first, perhaps quite weak) that tell you about your condition and your desires. This is the so-called “contact with yourself” that psychologists are always talking about.
Warning!
This practice has one side effect that I want to warn you about. If you start listening to yourself, you may find that things are happening in your life that you are not happy with. That you are not doing the things you want to do. Work, relationships, entertainment, lifestyle, on and on, everywhere else. And then you will face the question – are you ready to change it? And with desires – you have to fulfill them later….. So much anxiety!